LuCKy JES

4th of July

2009-07-31T22:12:00.000-07:00

Grandma, Rachel, and I took the kids to the annual New Berlin 4th of July Parade...

I'm a LITTLE behind....

2009-07-31T22:03:00.001-07:00

These pics are from Classic Fun Center, a few days before we left, with the Waymans..(heehee)

TJ looks really scary in this pic..and he really likes it..LOL

The pics are kinda crappy bc they are from my phone, but still a fun time to remember!! =)

MOVING update!

2009-05-22T10:02:00.000-07:00

Ok..so they finally agreed on a date for Jared. It looks like we will be leaving Utah on June 5th. possibly the day before if he can get it off. So..wow 2 weeks!!!

Authors corner

2009-05-22T09:15:00.000-07:00

This was one of his roles..the news anchorman...(see he's in the tv..lol)here he is bowing at the end of the play.... =)

Dylan being silly. The girl he has a crush on was sitting right next to us....(Kate) He seemed to be thinking about taking a picture of her, but decided to catch "the appetite" instead... who is Kates older sister.

At The school they had an Authors Corner night. It's centered around reading and books, and each class does something different. Dylans class had each kid read a story they wrote aloud to the few other people who happened to be there (it was open house format, so there weren't many people there at once.)

Dylan read a story he wrote about snakes. Well it was more like a report bc it was non-fiction. I forgot to take his picture bc we were in a hurry to get to TJ's class play, and even Dylan wasn't expecting to read the story.

TJ's class acted out a play called The Case of the Missing Appetite. It was funny. TJ had 4 parts to do. I think his favorite was his offstage scream..it caused several people watching to jump and everyone was laughing. Here's a few random pics. Dylan took the one of the girl with green hair. She had the very important role of, the appetite.

They both have been doing a lot of writing in class, and got to bring home their short stories, and books. I have included some of my favorites for you to read...!!

The kids only have one more week of school!!!

I can't believe next year TJ will be in 6th grade and Dylan is going into third!! They are getting so old!!

This is a poem from TJ's book, POEMS FROM THE CENTURY

Dylan R

artistic, smart

playing,drawing,cleaning

nice,fun,crazy,silly

D.W.

and then this story made me smile...

We went on the bus to go see Wallee. I was very quiet on the way. When we got there, everyone was loud except me. While we watched the movie I fell asleep. I liked the movie. When the movie was over, I told my friends my favorite part. I had a good time.

Wallee movie

-TJ Rutowski

Here is a story Dylan wrote in his book..

One day a little girl had a birthday. She got lots of presents.

When she got to the last present she opened it and a scary suprise came out.

A mean beast came out and it was a scary monster.

the end.

He also had a "feelings book" which says...

I feel happy when my mom comes

I feel sad when I'm dead and getting tired

I feel excited when I will get my mom a car

I feel angry when people are gtting on my nerves

I feel scared when I watch scary movies

I feel loved when our mom would stay with us

it's weird to me when they write about me..lol..but cute..

Mothers Day

2009-05-12T01:01:00.000-07:00

Ok one more post.. I had a really nice Mothers day with the kids. I had to work but then Jared took us all out to dinner. The kids got me these gorgeous flowers and chocolates.

Dylan made me a "gods eye" at school, and TJ had a mothers day poem he wrote in school. I think the poem was so so sweet. (and very insightful)

I thought I'd share it with you below.

I love my beautiful sweet funny boys. They are my everything and I am so blessed to be their mom!!!

Jessica is my mom

She is special because she is nice.

She wonders if I am funny

She hears me silent

She sees me having fun

She wants me to be cute

She is the nicest mom in the world

She pretends she is mean

She feels happy when I tickle her

She worries when my dad yells at her

She is the best mom in the family

She understands me when I feel upset

She says nice words to me if I have been good

She dreams that our dad would just be nice

She tries to make our dad nicer

She hopes everyday she would have a nice day

She is my mom!

Love TJ

April 30th 2009

and about me...

2009-05-12T00:53:00.000-07:00

Also..for those of you wondering what I'm up to lately...

I quit one of my jobs and I am back to watching Stuart during the day. TJ and Dylan will be out of school for summer in 2 weeks, so if we are still here I'll watch them too! I am waitressing at Iggys some night and weekend shifts. Thats about it..nothing too exciting!

and more..

2009-05-12T00:40:00.001-07:00

Ok so this is kinda silly but here's me and the very first car I ever owned all on my own.
It was a piece of crap but heyyyyy I loved it. It was a 1994 Plymouth sundance. I named it sunny and it was funny to hear the kids call it that too. Unfortunately since it was such a piece of crap..it only lasted about 6 months. This pic is when I took it to the junkyard about a month ago. LOL oh man..I just thought it was worth remembering. ps..can we not laugh at me in my work clothes and Jareds coat? heehee

At the park on Dylans birthday. Ana, Stuart, Dylan, TJ and Mya (hoods up bc it's cool =))
Oh..and Dylan wanted key lime pie, in case your wondering what that is...

More b-day pics..

2009-05-12T00:32:00.000-07:00

Dylan's 8th b-day April 5th 2009

update

2009-05-12T00:19:00.000-07:00

These are from TJ's 11 th Birthday...march 20

Ok so I know I RARELY update this blog anymore. My digital camera broke so I just don't take many pics anymore. I have put up b-day pics on my facebook and I'm sure anyone who looks at this blog has seen them but I'm gonna post them here anyways. ALSO for anyone who hasn't heard, We are all moving back to the Milwaukee area. Jared had to transfer locations for his job. He got to choose the locations on his "transfer wish list".

I was fully prepared to freak out if we got anywhere but Milwaukee. But, we got lucky.

We don't know yet exactly WHEN. It should be within the next month, but we are FOR SURE going.

I am VERY excited to be close to Mom, Dave and Rachel again, but otherwise not really looking forward to it. Starting over again is just not very appealing to me at this point.

We will keep you posted with any more details!!

Mya sings..

2008-09-01T16:05:00.000-07:00

I know its kinda funny that I have this video of Mya but none of my own kids...LOL..but my boys are just not into singing on camera!!

just a few recent random pics..

2008-09-01T15:37:00.000-07:00

TJ and dylan with their new school clothes after we went back to school shopping...

skating

2008-07-25T17:05:00.000-07:00

emily took the kids skating a few weeks ago and I thought these pics were so cute!!

this is my favorite. LOL. this is how I feel every day....

just some pics...

2008-06-12T12:08:00.000-07:00

this is ghostrider, Dylan drew this, and I thought it was really good.

back with the kids..

2008-05-23T22:42:00.000-07:00

The kids have early release on fridays, so today we were having a dance party. lol. I always try and get the boys to dance with me. First, they dont want too, so I tell them..you can have a popsicle if you dance with me for 5 minutes. Of course, they agree. But 30 mins later we are all still dancing and being silly. Its fun to watch the different ways they dance.

Everything is going pretty well. I am watching the boys while jared works. School gets out next week, so then I will get to see the older boys more, which I am looking forward to! They seem to be happier now to be back home..and acting much more like their normal selves!

F.Y.I....

2008-05-08T03:02:00.000-07:00

I am going back to utah on Wed. may 14th.
I miss the boys so much.
When I talk to them on the phone they seem so grown up.
TJ said,"Mommy are you crying because I am...."and it broke my little heart.
My brave srong boys. To go through so much. But they are so sweet and loving.
When I told Stuart I missed him, he said,"Thank you." lol. so cute.

I can't sleep lately. I have to totally exhaust myself. Which means falling asleep when the sun starts to come up. My mind won't stop. So much to think about, and to stress about.

I watched a movie, PS I LOVE YOU.
It was pretty good. It made me kinda sad. I was just thinking about who I would want with me, If I found out I was dying. And then, Its really sad to me, that it's changed.
I also saw the movie AUGUST RUSH last week. I absolutely loved it. If you havent seen it...you should. It made my heart really feel. Its a beautiful story with an equally enchanting soundtrack. Now I sound like a movie columnist. But you will see know what I mean if you see it.

It's SO hard

2008-04-29T00:53:00.000-07:00

((thats what she said))

Ok , so heres the thing....

I know I am different.

My whole life is different, how can I stay the same?

Its been over a year since I told Jared I wanted a divorce.

I know no one understands.

I don't care.

I don't know how to MAKE anyone understand.

But really...you dont need to understand.

Your just either with me or your against me.
and its easy for me to see where you fall.

I dont ask for anything.

I dont expect anything.

Things will get better...it will take time.

I hope.

I had no idea what it would be like to walk away.

I had no idea I would lose so much.

Think of your life, and everything YOU like about YOUR life...and everything that makes YOU happy. Now imagine your life without ANY of that.

And that...is me.

But it wont be forever.

I apologize if its hard for YOU to watch.

I am sorry if its taking me too long to pick up the pieces

of my heart. and my life.

I'm trying.

and its the best I can do today.

BIRTHDAY picnic...

2008-04-06T17:19:00.001-07:00

Ok so we all got together for Ian and Dylans birthdays....

I didnt have my camera figured out in time to get pics of the cake and everything..but here are a few of us all at the park. Happy Birthday to you..... It was fun playing with family....Ian is 32 and Dylan is 7!!!

At The Park

2008-04-06T17:07:00.001-07:00

Rehersal dinner

2008-04-06T16:14:00.000-07:00

ok so these pics are a little out of order...I just got them off my camera tho.

Rockwall Harbor

2008-04-02T23:51:00.000-07:00

I am just so captivated by this beautiful lake. The new Harbor area they are building up is so pretty too. A nice place to spend some time on a beautiful day. I wanna live by the water... =)

My Little Angel !!!

2008-03-31T22:38:00.000-07:00

So..I am gonna take this opportunity to tell you about one of my favorite things in life. Stuart.
Now dont get me wrong..I really love all my kids...but he is the baby, and I fought so hard to have him in my life...and he just holds a really special place in my heart. I love being able to spend my days with him. He has the sweetest spirit. He is smart and funny and his smile always makes me happy.

He loves watching movies, and its so funny to me that he wants to watch the same movies over and over. Lately, he has the movie, Cars , running constantly. He isnt always sitting watching it, but he likes that when he's tired, he can go sit for a few minutes, and there it is. LOL. His other favorites are Home On The Range, Ratatouille, and Meet the Robinsons. all great movies if you haven't seen them. I especially LOVE Meet the Robinsons.

Tonight when I was putting him to bed, I said, "You have to be Quiet because TJ and Dylan are sleeping!" and I showed him, his brothers asleep. When I lay him in his bed, he asked " please mommy, pretty please can Stuart wake up Dylan?" which really made me laugh. He has a lot of fun with both his big brothers, and I know they love each other a lot.
He is in a stage right now, where he always refers to himself in 3rd person. Probably just because he is starting to grasp the difference between me, and I , and stuart.
But its so cute to hear him say..Can stuart go outside?
or Can Stuart and Mommy lay down on Mommys bed?
Can Stuart have an orange?
It also cracks me up that he calls rice krispy treats...Christmas trees.
I agree, the words sound the same, but its funny.
I have a new addiction for the rice krispy treats you can buy at the store, so of course he wants them too. :)

He brings so much joy into my life, I love him so much, I am a lucky girl!

so sad

2008-03-30T16:16:00.000-07:00

I am feeling so sad right now. Its so hard sometimes to shake it. It creeps up on me...little reminders and certain thoughts....and before I know it...I break down and cry again.
Life is so different. I wish sometimes that I could go back to how things used to be. But then I think about Jared...and I know thats not what I want.
I still love him, but more for who he once was, then who he is now. He brought me so much hurt and pain..but at the same time, he brought me much happiness. I loved him truly, madly, and deeply for so long. Its so hard now, to feel the emptiness and loneliness. It hurts to know that the love of my life is over and gone. I feel such a sense of loss and its terribly overwhelming. I almost feel like I am going through the steps of greiving. Like my husband died. He is still alive, but my the man that I loved for so long is only in my memories and in my heart.
I don't know what the future holds for me. I am really depressed about starting over. Being in the situation I am now...I feel like the past decade was such a waste for me.

I found a letter today, that my mom wrote to my dad shortly before they got married. Her tender words of affection and her excitement for their future together...made me so emotional, I felt like I could barely breathe.
The hope of new love...the dreams for a future together and a family... it really got to me.
Seeing the young handwriting that said....I promise I will love you forever and ever..I know we can make it my sweet love....
They divorced after 20 years of marriage.
It just killed me to read it and think...
I just wonder if knowing the outcome, if they would have still married.

I always say that I hate Jared and I regret marrying him. But its not true.
I loved him with all my heart and all my soul. I believe we were meant to be together. I spent 12 of my 29 years alive with him. thats almost half my life...
He loved me. He didnt treat me the way I thought he should, and he didnt show it the way I wished he would.
But I lived every day knowing that he cared about me and loved me. I knew he was on my side. I felt safe and secure.
He took care of me and our kids. He loves them so much and he was a great father to them.
We traveled around and sometimes it felt like it was us vs. the world.
We worked hard, and we worked together....and we were OK.
I dont regret the years we were married. I am grateful that I had the chance to love and be loved. Even if it didnt last...
some people will never know love like what I once had...and I may never feel it again.

So I will learn to cherish those memories, and be grateful for the opportunities I was given.
I hope that love will return to me.
I am happier being a wife and mother...than being single.
I am learning a lot about myself. A lot about the world..and other people.
But still...I dont feel like this is my place.

I have a strong spirit. I have a huge heart and I am a good person. Sometimes I think that no one will ever fulfill my expectations...
and I will grow old alone.
But deep down, I hope there is someone looking for me...and when he finds me, he will know. And I will know...and everything in my past will have been just leading up to something greater.
Someone who will make me feel...like a lucky girl.

"Heaven forbid, you end up alone...and you don't know why.
Hold on tight...wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright..."
(Heaven Forbid-The Fray)

Adams Wedding

2008-03-21T21:05:00.000-07:00

The family was all together for Adam and Lisa's wedding! It was a lovely wedding. Adam looked so handsome, Lisa was so beautiful..I think everything was perfect!

I love Lisa and I am so glad she is a part of our family now! I had so much fun at the wedding and spending time with my family! It's been a few years since we were all together...I especially had fun at our slumber party at Paiges.

I am sooo sorry Jimmy that we kept kicking your butts at scene it. LOL. We played a lot of Scene It, the dvd game. The teams were Me, Adrienne, Emily and Rachel vs. Janna, Brian, Jimmy and Paige. We all really like to play trivia games like this...we do it everytime we can, when we get together. There are SOME people who dont like to play...but dont worry, we still love you.heehee. Sometimes...like when we were playing the games, I think about how weird it seems to me that Jared isn't there, and isnt on my team. It's times like that that I almost kinda miss him.

Well anyways...I love my sisters so much!!! It was really fun to be able to play and spend time with them :) I have the greatest brothers and sisters ever...I am a lucky girl!

My Friends

2008-03-21T19:33:00.001-07:00

Through all the struggles and confusion in my life, I am very blessed to have great friends.

They are always there for me. They are the funniest and nicest people I know. I am so grateful that our paths crossed and brought them each into my life. I am a lucky girl!

TJ's Birthday

2008-03-21T19:17:00.000-07:00

Well...TJ turned ten!! Nothing makes me feel older than hearing those words!! LOL.

We had cake and presents for him, at Grandpa JJ's house. Ian and Buffy came with Riley and Peyton, and Paige came with Joey,William, and Allison. and of course Grandpa JJ, Roxana and Lisa were there too.

TJ really likes the Boston Cream donuts at Krispy Kreme, so I tried this new recipe for a Boston Cream Pie Cake. I was worried about it..but I think it was actually very tasty, and the kids especially loved it.

Ian and Buffy couldnt stay long, but Paige and I had a few laughs....and some good talkin...

TJ had fun, and we are so glad everyone could come over and celebrate with us!!

I love my funny kids! I am a lucky girl!

Blogging once more...

2008-03-21T19:14:00.000-07:00

OK... so I decided to blog again. I am sure it will be completely different now....but then, so is my life!!